When your friends are loved up and you're not...
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Thought of the week
Even a seemingly simple decision can change our lives forever. Think first.
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Dear Dolly InnerGirl,
I feel like I'm left out in my friendship group being the only one who has never had a boyfriend. They are always saying that I need one before I go to high school and I normally just ignore it but they have recently started talking about why I don't have one. They have mentioned my weight and my appearance. It's getting really difficult to hang around them.
But now guys have started mentioning it too and It makes me really upset.
What Do I Do?
E, VIC
A:
Hi E,
Firstly lets ask this: do you want to scratch with Turkeys or fly with Eagles? Up to this point, you are heading for Eagles, as you haven’t given in to the Turkeys. In a lifetime you have only lived say 20% of it so far. You still have 80% of your lifetime to get a boyfriend etc.
As you say, its difficult hanging round with this friendship group. The holidays are nearly here. You’ll have time to find others who are not so keen to follow the trend, but are more self confident of themselves (the Eagles).
To start this, take some really deep breaths so you are still inside. Then ask yourself what kind of friends you would like. Write it down, smile, and FEEL that they are already in your life. It’s amazing what a little experiment like this can bring into your life. Do the same with your appearance. Is there anything you’d like to change? Close your eyes and see that you standing in front of you. Do this every morning to feel good about your self. Go for it as you are worth it!.
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Dear Dolly InnerGirl,
I'm in year 11 and I'm really quiet, but yesterday a guy who I sort of know asked me out via text. I said yes, but now I'm kind of regretting it since he said he loves me, but I'm just too scared to ask him if he actually means it. Today at school he hugged me before I went home and I don't want to lead him on, but I just don't think that I'm ready for a boyfriend yet. He's the first guy to ever ask me out and I was really happy, but now I feel bad that I just want to be friends and not really anymore than that. What should I do?
E, QLD
A:
Hi E,
Suddenly you are into a new world. Relationships. Like, your first reaction was surprise. You are to be acknowledged for stepping back and having a little think about where you are at present rather than going too fast. This guy is obviously keen. It feels good to have someone paying you attention. It is now time for you to step into honouring your own feelings too. Hugs are quite a gentle approach, so he is being mindful of your feelings.
Now you have to take responsibility to tell him that you would like to start out as friends first. This is quite appropriate, and if he cares, he will be happy to agree. If on the other hand he wants more, you can say no, thank you, I’m not ready yet. Which still leaves a future arrangement possible. This way you have maintained your quiet dignity, and it’s a little test for him!
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